We made our way to see the surgeon at the hospital. Long story, short. Everything stays the same for another 10 days.
Concussion seems to be getting worse though. Possibly that's part of healing. Feeling worse before it gets better. Light, noise and dizziness are on the menu. Feel depression setting in. Husband is frustrated and discouraged. He's had to leave the room and go lay down when the grandchildren are having too much fun. As I help him to his room and get him comfortable I can't help but think about the time I had to excuse myself from the drama at a friends house only a few months ago. I just left the room and went to lay down and listen to a meditation session on my iPhone for 20 minutes then I returned.
I was criticized for doing so. WHY?
Since having cancer I have become less passive in standing up for my needs. It is fear that I face each time I decline to do what the group is doing. Is it worth listening to the belittling? Is it worth listening to the verbal diarrhea? Is it worth the hassle? Sometimes yes. Sometimes no.
In the last blog I mentioned the holiday that went from sweet to sour. It went sour because I failed to respect the needs of my body by saying I need to stay quietly alone for the day. My body paid a high price with a diabetic reaction.
I came home wanting to run away from my life. My entire being wanted to die and go to heaven. I have no energy to plan an escape. Now I must care for the needs of another.
I told our daughter my needs are at the bottom of the list again. So she suggested I make a list of what I need to do for myself and slowly make them happen. I really appreciated her advise. I really wanted to go for my vitamin IV at the Naturopath's office. That was on the top of the list. I called our son and asked him to spend a few hours with his Pa so I could go to my appointment. I called one daughter to spend a few hours with us. Another daughter to be available so I can drop off her Pa and spend a few hours with a friend.
That is of encouragement to myself.
What's on your list? It's up to you to make it happen. If you don't, chances are no one else will make it happen for you. What will you do to encourage yourself? What will you do to move forward?
Visiting the Psych Ward.
The day before my husbands accident we were helping a family friend in need. He ended up in the hospital. I asked my husband if he was OK after seeing the surgeon that we go see our friend. He agreed. We were lucky to get in as they have special visiting hours.
It was a quick visit. Well appreciated. As I listened to our friends concerns I thought about mankind in general. We all want our freedom. We don't want anyone to control our lives. We have fears. We want to be reassured. We want to be loved. We want to be heard and understood.
A lot of people have a difficult person to deal with or are living under a dictatorship. When someone is controlling us or our fears control us. And we no longer have the freedom of choice. We shut down. We all shut down in different ways.
How does one escape from their situation? There is no escape. Our friend can't escape the hospital and I can't escape from YYC. The only thing we have control over is our thoughts and how we're going to handle our emotions during our situation.
How about we run away just for a day. Visit - www.MyBigG.com On the menu bar, under My Big G is My Big Dream. There you'll see what I did to help myself through my thoughts of escaping.